


The Devil in the Details

by Taz



Series: Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat [4]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7219900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taz/pseuds/Taz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Any outstanding features—scars, marks or tattoos?”<br/>“Two inch fangs, when she’s in human form, and there are light scales on her neck and back. She has a Phoenician anchor tattooed on her left thigh, and really first-class bristols.”<br/>Dan stopped writing. He looked thoughtfully at Lucifer.<br/>“Cherry bombes,” Lucifer announced, bouncing a pair of invisible melons at chest height. “Boobs.” Then Dan’s expression got through to him. “We’re a very dysfunctional family,” he said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Devil in the Details

Lucifer hitched himself on one of the bar stools and began to review the 30-plus messages that had been left during those hours that he and Dan had been otherwise engaged.

As expected, the first call had been Amenadiel saying he’d created a Facebook account. The second was also from Amenadiel, letting him know that he already had 15 friends. The third was from Chloe, reminding to call if he heard from Dan. The fourth was an update from Amenadiel; he now had 327 Facebook friends and what was he supposed do with them? The fifth was Dr. Martin, informing him that she expected to see him and Amenadiel in her office tomorrow at three. The sixth was Amenadiel: would Lucifer please haul his arse out of the sack, and call!

After that he clicked off the phone. There was no point in going on. None of the messages was from Mazikeen. That was frustrating; Maze managed the details of their day-to-day lives, and ran Lux, so that he didn’t have to. He pocketed the phone, but before he could settle in for some serious brooding on the inconveniences attached to an earth bound existence, Dan appeared in the stairway to the upper level.

He had a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. The pale Egyptian marble that framed the stairway matched the color of his damp skin. Lovely. But there were dark circles under his eyes. His only accessory was a shoulder holster.

“Well, hell-lo, Sweet Cheeks,” Lucifer said.

“What did you do with my clothes?”

“You know, that’s a good look on you.”

“I can’t find my phone.”

_Whoops!_

"Do you mind if I call you Sweet Cheeks?”

“I prefer you don’t.”

“But it’s better than Detective Douche, isn’t it?”

“No. Where are my clothes?”

“I threw them in the incinerator.”

Dan stared at him.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Sorry about the phone.”

“I’m not. I’m going to shoot you.” Dan took the gun from its holster and pointed it at Lucifer, sighting down the barrel. “I should have done this weeks ago. Just didn’t want to piss Chloe off. Now, give me yours so I can call and ask her to bring me some clothes.”

“Do you really want her to see you like that?”

The gun wavered in Dan’s hand. “I’ll say that you kidnapped me.”

“Considering that stonker...?” Lucifer held both hands toward Dan’s crotch, and then clapped them together at his heart. “I don’t think she’ll believe you.”

“Then let me have some of yours.”

“Definitely no.”

Dan’s knuckles turned white on the grip. “I will shoot.”

“Go ahead,” Lucifer said. “Shoot.” He was fairly certain that Dan couldn't have hit the broad side of a barn at that moment.

Neither was Dan, apparently. “Aahhggg…” He whipped around and to began bang his head against the nearest upright. The gun clattered on the floor. “If you think… For one minute… That I won’t… Walk out… Like this...”

“If you’re not carried off by a pack of sex-starved cougars, someone will call the police before you get twenty feet.”

Dan stopped banging his head and turned around, keeping his back to the stone. He glared at Lucifer. “I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but this has to be your fault.” His voice was husky with rage. “Did you slip me Valium?”

“There you go again. I didn’t slip you anything, except…” Lucifer waved a hand in the general direction of his own crotch. “Next time don’t swallow.”

Dan shot him a look of pure hatred. “There is not going to be a next time.”

“Pity. I hate to see so much raw talent go to waste. I’m sorry about tossing your clobber, but I need your help and I can’t have you bolting out of here before we have a deal.”

“No deal! There is no deal! There is not going to be a deal! You’re Chloe’s quote-unquote partner, and I not involved!”

“That’s just the little green eyed imp speaking. You haven’t thanked me for arranging for that ‘tampering with evidence’ charge to go away.”

“I don’t know how you did that, but..” Dan raised a fist and shook it in frustration. “I was ready to ride the rap.”

“I know. You wanted to redeem yourself. Very commendable. Points for good intentions. But _Thou Shalt Not Bear_ _False Witness_ is still on Dad's Top Ten list of No-No’s. While I’m sure you’d have achieved redemption, eventually—there were mitigating circumstances, after all—you would have spent few a thousand years in purgatory and I don’t have that much time! Dan, believe me, this is the fast track. A one-in-a-lifetime offer.”

“Like the one you made Malcolm?”

“That was my brother, and you’re not going to Hell. You skated _Thou Shalt Not Kill_ on a technicality. I don’t need a martyr! I need you on the job with the full use of your powers and the resources of the LAPD behind you.

“How do I know you won’t try to blackmail me?”

“Because I’m not crazy, and my word is my bond. I'll owe you for this. Big time.”

“What can I do for you that Chloe can’t?”

The phone in Lucifer’s pocket buzzed. He glanced at it, then thumbed a button.

“That will have to wait. Dinner’s on the way up. You’ll think better when you’ve had something to eat.”

“I’m not staying.”

“You are dogged, Detective. And that's one reason I want you on the case. Don’t go anywhere.” The elevator pinged, and Lucifer went to answer it.

That wasn’t likely that Dan was going to go anywhere. It was increasingly evident that he was leaning against the stone for support. His color had turned ashy, emphasizing the dark shadows under his eyes. It made their color appear even lighter. Lucifer gave the delivery girl a twenty, and took the bag into the dining area, but Dan didn't move.

“You’re going to have to let go of that wall sometime.”

He unpacked the food, put out wine glasses, and lit candles. Dan hadn't moved, so Lucifer exerted his will. “I know you’re not feeling your best but this will perk you up. Delmonico. Kale salad. A nice Chilean Malbec.” He layering the harmonics in his voice to compel attention. "Maybe a little rumpy-pumpy for dessert.” Tempting “If you’re up for it.”

“No!”

“Come and eat, now.”

Looking confused, Dan let go of the wall and sidled over to the table. He pulled out a chair and sat down, pressing a palm to his forehead as if trying to recapture a thought that had just escaped his memory.

“I don’t want to do this. Why am I doing this?”

“Mmm…. Stubborn. Because I want you to.” There was a pop as Lucifer pulled the cork from the bottle of Malbec. “Try some of this.”

Dan held out his glass. “What’s rumpy-pumpy?”

 Lucifer smiled. “Like trifle, only with more cream.”

The meal could not be described as wholly successful, but the steaks were excellent.

Dan was starving, but found he had to concentrate on each bite, chewing and swallowing. It was better if he kept his eyes on his plate and didn’t look directly at Lucifer. It was the candlelight. Looking at Lucifer’s hands was distracting—Lucifer ate the old fashioned way with the fork in his left hand—but Dan could feel them exploring some part of his body—arm, shoulder, leg. It inciting an effervescent, urgent longing. And when he looked at Lucifer’s face, Lucifer would smile, and he’d realize he’d been holding a forkful of kale half-way to his mouth. The only good thing was that, in the end, he was able to finish the meal, but Lucifer had to keep up the conversational end.

“…and now she’s pissed at both of us and flitted off who to knows where. Is that fair? I’ll have to cover her shift tonight, and if she doesn’t come back I’ll have to promote—Angie? Augie? Oliver? Anyway, the assistant manager. One more thing on my to-do list.

“Sucks to be you,” Dan said.

“Oh, goody; you’re feeling better.”

“Can we get this over with, so I can go home?” Dan set his knife and fork on the plate. "What is it you want me to help you with?"

Lucifer folded his napkin and lay it on the table. “I need your help locating a missing person.”

“Go down to the station and fill out a missing person’s report.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Reasons.”

“Of course there are." Dan sighed. "How long has this person been missing.”

“Since yesterday.”

Dan gave Lucifer a look.

“Has it occurred to you that this person is just not returning your calls.”

“Believe me, she has never returned a call from me in her life.”

“Great, it's a woman. Color me surprised. Lucifer, people disappear for lots of reasons, and most of them come back.

“This woman does not want to be found, and it’s urgent she be located. You’ll have to take my word for that.”

“Who is she?”

“My mother.”

“And here I though knew you only had Daddy issues.”

“Very funny.”

“Your mother’s in the states?”

“So My Father thinks. Or, at least, that’s the impression I got. Somewhere in North America.”

“Great. Big Continent. Look, this is all more than a little vague. Could you maybe explain. A little more information. So details.”

“My mother has serious issues. Personality quirks that haven’t served her well for a long time. She has been under care. In custody, you might say. Recently, though, due to an appalling lapse of judgement on the part of my brother who was responsible for keeping her safe, she was able to escape and has apparently 'lit out for parts unknown'.”

“Is she dangerous to herself or to other people?”

“Other people. Extremely dangerous.”

“This brother…?”

“Remember yesterday, the lawyer...”

“Canaan.” Dan pressed his palm to his forehead. “That was your brother in my office, with you!”

“He’s not a lawyer.”

“Don’t tell me things like that! I still don’t understand why you aren’t having Chloe help you with this.”

“As I said, dogged. I'm trying to like that about you. I can’t ask Chloe, because she’s a mother.”

“Do you realize that’s my wife you’re talking about?”

“No! I mean it literally. Trixie. My mother’s issues are focused around children. She adores them, but she wants them to adore her as well, and it makes her dangerous to them. If Chloe were involved, and Mum discovered she had a daughter… She would. Let's just say that she has a preternatural sense for these things. You’re very protective of Chloe. For my part, I wouldn’t see her hurt for the world.”

Man and devil stared at each other.

“Get get me something so I can take notes,” Dan said.

Lucifer fetched one of the Lux branded notepads and a pen.

“I know I’m going to regret this, but let’s start at the beginning,” Dan said. “Your mother’s full name?”

“Lamia Mother of Demons.”

“Lamia Mother of…?” Dan looked at Lucifer. Lucifer’s eyes, were fixed on him, glowing with red glints in their depths like polished cabochon garnets. “How do you spell that?”

“L-A-M-I-A,” said Lucifer. “M-O-T-H…”

“Got it. Height?”

“Five-foot four or twelve-foot six. Depending.”

“On what?”

“Her shape.”

“Hair color?”

“She prefers dark red.”

“Natural hair color?”

“Naturally, she has no hair.”

“Eyes?”

“Gold with vertical pupils. Usually.”

Dan chose not to ask what the alternative was.

“Any outstanding features—scars, marks or tattoos?”

“Two inch fangs, when she’s in human form, and there are light scales on her neck and back. She has a Phoenician anchor tattooed on her left thigh, and really first-class bristols.” Dan stopped writing, and looked up at Lucifer. “Cherry bombes.” Lucifer bounced a pair of invisible melons at chest height. “Boobs.” Dan’s expression finally got through to him. “We’re a very dysfunctional family.”

“No shit!” Dan threw the pen down. “I can’t put out a BOLO on a snake woman!”

“You’ll be looking for missing children. Kidnappings. Parental Abductions. Runaways. Clusters of missing children.”

“Oh, my God!” Dan buried his face in his hands. “Is there any wine left?”

“I’ll open another bottle,” Lucifer said, and got up.

It seemed to Dan that an horripilating wind was blowing through the room. It made the candle flames gutter, and the shadows dance. The sound of the popping cork made him jump, and again as Lucifer set the glass in front of him, and said, "Drink."

Dan reached for the glass, then looked up and saw a raw, grinning skull with dry red muscles, and horny extrusion of deformed bone protruding from the forehead. It seemed he could feel those skinless lips kissing him. Then the vision was gone and it was only Lucifer Morningstar, darkly handsome, despite his sharp features. He stood and threw himself into Lucifer's arms, his rock and refuge from insanity.

When Amenadiel found them on the couch, Dan was asleep with his head cradled in Lucifer’s groin. Lucifer's, his shirt open, his trousers were unzipped, was smoking, and his prick lay flaccid as it had dropped from Dan’s mouth.

“Brother, you should be ashamed of yourself,” Amenadiel said.

“You’re supposed to be the better angel,” Lucifer said. He stretched his legs, putting his feet on the coffee table. Then stuck the cigarette between his lips and caressed Dan’s head. “It turn's out, he’s one of the complicated ones after all.”

 

_Finis  
06/16/2016_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's obvious that God, an Abrahamic God is Lucifer's father, and since the writers have bitten down hard on the notion that he has a mother as well, she invites speculation. I played with Inanna and Lilith but settled on Lamia, despite fearing snakes, after reading these lines from Keat's tragic poem "Lamia":
> 
> There was an awful rainbow once in heaven:  
> We know her woof, her texture; she is given  
> In the dull catalogue of common things.  
> Philosophy will clip an Angel’s wings,  
> Conquer all mysteries by rule and line,  
> Empty the haunted air, and gnomed mine—  
> Unweave a rainbow, as it erewhile made  
> The tender-person’d Lamia melt into a shade.


End file.
